Thursday, March 9, 2017

Hello Walls

Hello walls. How’d things go for you today?
No response? That’s fair. At least you’re a better listener than the other inmates. It’s hard going here, and I’m frankly a bit lonely. I guess that explains why I’m talking to you right now. I’m getting out of here tomorrow, so you won’t have to worry about me bothering you anymore. By while I have you here I think I’ll tell you about the past few days for me.
To be honest, the past few days have been kind of crazy for me. I mean, they’re often crazy for people who end up spending time in jail, but out of all the rest of these guys I think my ride has been one of the wildest. So, apparently I ate some of the weird fruit down by the rainbow river and hallucenated a sequence where the girl with red hair told me to get my life together and then immediately after died in a car accident. Pretty weird, huh? I remember the hallucenation like it was real life, in fact I was pretty shocked to find out those events didn't happen. But that's what the jail doctors say. So none of that happened I guess. They're attributing my public disturbances and littering to the weird chemicals in the fruit. So I'm pretty sure I'm getting off easy. I might have to pay a fine, but I probably won't have to have a trial.
While I was in the police car next to the river I remember the river being a thousand shades of blue. Not quite a thousand of course, but you get the point wall. At the time it reminded me of my condition. Even though the day before I had felt so happy, the events of my hallucenation seemed to unearth some weird sadness inside of me. It's weird because it's not just one type of sadness, it's layered with hope and hopelessness. The days before my hallucenation I actually seemed to be making progress in my life. And only the girl with the red hair in my dream suggested otherwise. Probably just because she wanted to get me away from her. Even in my dreams my romantic life is tragic, haha.
I digress. The point being is I had no actual reason to be sad given the events of the night before never happened and I was just tripping on weird mutant tangerines. My life actually was moving forward. If I keep this up after I get out of here I think my life could improve.
By the way, this candybar is deliscious. The one acquiantance I made here gave it to me. It's contraband of course, which makes it taste even more deliscious. You wouldn't know anything about taste, or even pleasure for that matter. Huh. There's a lot you don't know about I guess. We're pretty different, you and I. I'm trying to move forward, and you are just a wall. You've always been a wall, and I'm pretty sure you don't have any aspirations other than being a wall. Seems kind of nice if you ask me. I envy you a bit. You have no need to move forward, there's nothing at stake for you.
Part of me wants to be like you, wall. I want to find a place to be where I'm content and stay there forever. But at the same time, I can't be like you. There's a part of me that wants to move. What direction do I want to move in? I have no idea. I don't think I'll ever know if I'm going in the right direction.
I realize that I don't have it figured out. Over the years I've been waiting for lightning, or a rainstorm, something that would instantaneously change me, or at least help seeds of change grow and blossom. It's been overcast for the past ten years though, at least it feels like that. Sorry, I'm just speaking metaphors now. Point is, wall, I've finally found myself lost.